Getting to meet someone, new or familiar, is often a very exciting thing for a dog. There are new smells to take in, potential pets to be had, and a new friend to be made! So they jump up to get close and smother strangers with kisses to get as much love as they can.
Does this sound familiar to you?
This display of adoration and love may seem endearing, but aside from being a rude invasion of space to an unwilling participant, it can turn from cute to dangerous in a heartbeat when your dog decides to enthusiastically say hello to the wrong person. Allowing this sort of behavior to continue is just not worth it. Working with your dog to design an appropriate way to get them all the love and attention they want will benefit you, your dog, and everyone that gets to meet your furry companion.
To give you an example, I’m going to describe what I would call a “perfect greeting” between a stranger and my dog: A stranger my dog has not met before approaches. My dog stays by my side, not pulling towards the stranger or shying away. As the person gets closer, the dog checks in with me by looking at me then looking back at them. The stranger asks me permission to say hello to my dog. Since my dog is relaxed and not showing any signs of fear or anxiety, I say “Sure,” then cue my dog by saying “Go say hi!” The stranger waits as the dog approaches them calmly and gives the person’s legs and hands a sniff.
This meeting may have less dramatic flair than a bouncing pup, but it is an incredibly respectful way to honor any boundaries either party may have. The stranger decided to initiate the interaction and my dog was given a chance to consent with their body language when the stranger paused to ask me first. My dog was able to approach on their own terms in a calm manner, and was given the chance to engage further or back away. From here, me, my dog, and our new friend can assess if we want to continue saying hello or go our separate ways.
Things won’t always play out this way, of course. That was an ideal scenario, not necessarily a realistic one. Dogs and humans are often unpredictable, after all, and we can only do our best to set our dogs up to guide them towards the perfect greeting we’ve imagined for them.
As the one thing you can control most is your own actions, this must start with you. I’ve seen many well-intended people lean down to give their dog love while the dog is actively jumping all over them in excitement, which immediately teaches the dog that jumping gets them attention.
Think about how you and your dog say “hi” to each other then create a checklist that details what you want those interactions to look like. How can you give your dog lots of love and affection in ways that don't reinforce impolite behavior? It might be hard to know where to go from here. You and your dog will be learning how hard habits are to break at the same time, so be committed and patient. And know when to ask for help from a trainer who can keep you on track, this stuff is difficult!
Of course, the humility of finding out it’s not just teaching your dog to keep their feet on the floor, but also teaching yourself what to do when they don’t, reveals how often you’ll find yourself human-training when you begin to introduce your dog to other people. This is often much harder than dog training.
Human training requires clear communication from you and a willingness from them to do things on your terms. Both of those things can be hard to achieve, so be kind to yourself throughout the process and get comfortable telling people your checklist and what to do if your dog doesn’t follow it. Trust yourself. You know what’s best for your dog. Be unyielding in your instructions, regardless of what they push back against. Reminding yourself needing to practice advocacy is a completely normal part of the process.
If you don’t trust the person will be capable of listening to your instructions, don’t be afraid to say “No. You cannot meet my dog right now.” “No” is your strongest ally. A person who is unwilling to listen to your boundaries around greeting your dog will set your dog up for continued failure and reinforce the exact behavior you are trying to change.
Having trusted accomplices (usually friends and family) who understand your checklist and are willing to follow your instructions will be invaluable in the beginning. Make sure to cover your guidelines thoroughly so everyone is on the same page, including yourself. Don’t forget to get your “No, you can’t say hello right now,” ready. Try as they might, people do and will make mistakes. You are the first and last defense to stop an interaction if you notice your dog isn’t being polite or isn’t comfortable.
Speak up when the situation doesn’t feel right. You have the power to set them up for successful greetings by preventing a greeting gone wrong.
With time and lots of consistent practice, soon your dog will be the star of any social interaction they engage in. Your dog will come to understand how to properly begin an interaction with someone and get the love they want. You will feel confident advocating for your dog’s needs and knowing their limits.
If you are struggling with this skill and unsure where to start your checklist, reach out to Kind Animal Services. We know how to stand in as that trusted accomplice or habit-free teacher that can create an individualized plan to get you and your dog on track to getting your dog the attention they deserve in private or group training classes.
Continue reading for outlined instructions and a checklist template…
We would start with creating that checklist I mentioned earlier. Reminder, this is a checklist of how you would like your dog to behave when they greet someone. It details the signs you look for when evaluating if you will say “Yes” or “No” to someone wanting to say hello. To further use my example from earlier, mine would look something like this:
Pays attention to me around distractions, especially other people
Does not approach stranger until told/invited to
Calm
Relaxed muscles
Still/loose tail, maybe wagging a little
Soft eyes
Responding to and following known cues (like “sit”)
Attention not hyper-focused on any particular thing; willing to disengage and change focus
Quiet (no barking)
Four feet on floor (not jumping)
Not showing signs of fear/anxiety
Panting
Excessive grooming/itching/licking/yawning
Wide eyes
Tense muscles
Curled lip
Flicking/fast wagging tail
Tucked tail
Hackles up
Ears flat on head
I’ve included a lot of body language cues to my checklist because the way a dog holds their body will tell you a lot about their capacity to succeed as well as their comfort level with the situation. Know your dog’s limits. Dogs are just like us, and sometimes they are not in a social mood! Just because someone wants to say hello, doesn’t mean your dog does. So know their body language for “No thanks,” and make sure to pass along the message before they do.
Be extra aware of this if you have a shy dog who struggles to be around people. Set your dog up for success by using the advocacy skills you’ve been practicing and ask others to let your dog approach on their terms. As described in my ideal situation, the dog is offered the option to go say hello and does not necessarily include any further interactions. Not all greetings will involve petting and sometimes all your dog can handle is being in the presence of another person. A short, “My dog is learning to feel safe around people, please only interact with them on these terms,” is perfect. Describe what your dog is comfortable with; “Let them sniff you and walk away,” “We will be in the same room, but don’t give them any attention and instead you and I will just chat,” etc..
Now, you may be asking yourself, “I now know when I need to say “No,” but how can I get my dog to the point where I can confidently say “Yes!”? I have goals set for them, but I don’t know how to help my dog reach them!” Great question. With your checklist in mind, compare your dog’s skills to those on the list. Think about what behaviors they display now and what they will be replaced with.
Say your dog is a jumper. One of the most basic things you can replace this with is sitting! After all, it’s a lot harder to jump on someone with their bottom on the ground. In order to make this a reliable behavior, do lots and lots of practicing in as many situations as you can.
Start in your home and cue sits in every room, rewarding them for a job well done. Slowly add distractions like music, toys, or someone in the room. Take this work out into your yard and practice there, starting with no distractions (as the outdoors is full of them on its own) before adding others. The more your dog is able to focus just on you and the cues you’re giving them while the world moves around them, the better! If they struggle, lower the intensity and distractions to a level they are confident in before moving forward again.
Other ways you can reinforce and build this behavior include:
When your dog approaches you to say hello, cue a sit and only reach down to pet them if they follow through. If they don’t, or they get up halfway through their pets, simply ignore them and walk away. Tell anyone who wants to say hello to do this too.
Add “sit” into your play routine. Play a little then ask for a sit while their energy is high. Don’t continue to play until their bottom hits the ground!
Play pattern games. Set up stations around your space and start at your first station by cuing a sit. Once they do, move to the next station and reward them, then cue another sit. Repeat this process and slowly amp up the energy level by going from walking between stations to jogging, skipping, running, etc. (This exercise is pulled from practices established by Leslie McDevitt. For more information on pattern games, check out this video.)
By playing these games and building this skill, you are effectively teaching them that “sit” is a gateway to treats, love, playtime, and all the attention they could want. When they get amped up to meet someone, their body will remind them of this and they’ll be more than willing to take a seat and wait to see what their reward will be this time. If they don’t, it’s on you to remind them with the cue. If they continue to struggle, advocate for your dog and their training plan by saying “They only get to say hello if they sit. Right now they aren’t capable of meeting this criteria, so they don’t get to say hello.”
“Sit” is not the be-all-to-end-all of replacement behaviors. In my ideal scenario, sitting is not a requirement for my dog to say hello, just keeping their feet on the ground. I like to use the target games (also known as “Touch,” “Here,” “Go Say Hi,” etc) to show a dog where their head should be when someone comes to say hi.
The goal of this game is simple. A person displays their flat palm to the side of their body then the dog approaches and touches their nose to the exposed surface. Just like sitting makes it difficult to jump, having a place their nose needs to aim for prevents them from trying to aim elsewhere, like, say, someone’s face.
To add this to your dog’s repertoire, start small. Present your palm in front of your dog's nose and reward them when they inevitably sniff it wondering what you’re doing. Do lots of repetitions of this, starting close and slowly adding distance as your dog catches on so they have to move to accurately target your hand. Make sure this is fun and amp up the challenge as they build confidence! Put your hand in interesting positions like between your legs, way out to the side, on the ground, etc., and reward them with yummy treats, physical affection, and/or play time. Again, we want them to learn that this behavior grants them access to good things!
Applying targeting into real world greetings does involve a little human-training as well. You will need to direct whoever wants to say hello how to display their hand by their side (luckily this tends to be a natural reaction and a lot of people will volunteer this without prompting) and what to do if your dog doesn’t target it (ignore the dog and walk away). Apply the same process to teach your dog to target their hand the same way they did yours, and voila! You have a dog approaching people with an appropriate place to put their nose.
There are a variety of other techniques you can use to build these skills. If these don’t match up to the behaviors on your checklist, try to come up with other replacement behaviors you could introduce on your own or reach out to a professional for more ideas. As you move forward, remember that all methods will boil down to these same main ingredients to reach your end goal:
Go at your dog’s pace. Be patient. Know your dog’s limitations and abilities and do not throw them into the deep end without teaching them how to swim first.
Be ready to say “No.” And even harder, be ready to say “Actually, I thought they could say hi, but I’m seeing now they don’t have the skills to do it properly and we need to do some more training before we can continue.” Trust yourself and your decisions. You know what’s best for your dog.
Be consistent. Clearly distinguish what works (being polite) and what doesn’t (jumping, barking, etc.). The goal is not to stop them from receiving the love and attention they want, but to show them how to appropriately ask for it.
Practice skills both in and out of context. Practice at home, in your yard, at the park, and on walks. Prepare them before they are in a situation where they need to apply their skills, then take those skills into the real world.
Having these things in mind will immediately put you on the right track and set your dog up for success. Replacing behaviors is a long and sometimes frustrating process, but trust yourself and trust your dog. With teamwork, practice (and maybe some help from a trainer), you and your dog will be well on your way to becoming star citizens!
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